Andzine

2007-04-19T08:48:00.000-04:00

I'm kind of learning that no matter what you do or say as a single male, it's always going to be interpreted differently than it was intended to be. For instance, hypothetically speaking, a single male asked a single female to attend the wedding of one of his friends. The male is thinking, "This is a great opportunity to get to know her better, see old friends, and have a fun weekend." She, on the other hand, thinks, "Oh no! Does he like me? Is he going to ask me out? How do I feel about him? Will it make things awkward between us if I go and he does ask me out? Or will it be more awkward if I don't go and he was hoping to ask me out? What are the chances he just wants to be friends?"
The margin of error, then, lies not in the interpretations of the afformentioned message of communication, but how that message was transmitted from the male to the female. When the guy said, "What are you doing on [insert date of wedding here]?" the reply given was, "I don't know. That's a long ways away. Why?" The male then responds, "Well one of my friends is having this thing called a wedding, and I was wondering if you would go?" To this point the male believes he's kept it very casual and unawkward by not saying things like "with me" or "be my date." The reply given by the female, however, goes like this: "Umm...[long pause]. I'm not sure... [long pause]." At which point the male then says, "If you don't want to go, that's fine. I jus thought I'd ask," again trying to not make it awkward and keep it a low key request. She then says, "i just want to think about it for a while."
From all the past experiences from the male's perspective, this means ONLY one thing. What it means to this perticular female is yet unknown. In the past however, it has meant, "I don't want to hurt you, but NO."
While awaiting the response, the male begins to over-analyze the situation and question the way he presented the request. His early conclusion is that she will refuse to go, appologyze for not going, then not want to spend time together in the future so as to avoid any awkward situations, thus ruining the friendship and any hope or possibility for soemthing more.
Now remember, this is all hypothetical. And apparently people do actually read this thing, so don't go around telling people you know who this is about and what the real story is because in all honesty, you probably don't.

a little mellow-dramatic

2007-04-16T18:43:00.000-04:00

So I know not too many people read this, but right now I thought I would take advantage of the isolated knowledge of this blog.

At this point in my life I am what most people call a young adult. I am 22. Legal in every country to drink, smoke, gamble, etc. I am finding that with this relatively new stage in life comes new responsibilities and expectations. I'm not talking about voting or working. This entry is solely about the aspect of relationships.

Being in young adulthood, I've come to realize that in terms of relationships, it is commonly expected of a male, such as myself, to pursue the female, woo her, establish the grounds for the relationship, and be completely dependable for her to "lean on." There is no longer room for the guy to be completely care-free, immature, etc. I am to be completely aware of expectations from others, take them into consideration and be able to, at any given moment, defend my reasons for being in a relationship and my thoughts on the seriousness and longevity of that relationship. Girl's no longer want to just "have" a boyfriend; they want stability, security as well as the fun and surprises.

So where does that leave me? Am I forced to mature beyond my time, or am I forced to catch up to where I should be? Part of me feels ready to once again be able to pursue a relationship. Yet there is just as big a part of me that wants to be free, be immature and care-free without the need to worry what someone else will think or how they will react. Yes, I've had many "crushes" and met girls I think I like, and yet none of them have so far brought me to a place of actually thinking that I can or sometimes even want to go through the necessary changes in life it takes at this point to be in a meaningful relationship.

I could probably ramble on for a long time. The reason I am writing this is because I currently like someone, and am having to face not only these questions and situations, but also many more regarding her, her stage in life, her perception of me, etc. I just really don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was able to skip through my life and get to the part where things don't seem to hard. You know, just after the lifeline has gone flat. That way I wouldn't have to deal the the utter agony of relationships.

I am me.

2007-03-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that I'm being chastized by someone about an issue they weren't even involved in. I realize the are concerned for the other person involved, seeing as they are engaged, but come on! If you feel like you are mature and responsible enough to be married then you should at least have the maturity to address your own issues and concerns with me to me! FRIG! Tell me you have a problem with me yourself! As for the other one chastizing me...were you asked to do so by this other person? Do you honestly think that I am not aware that what I say has an effect on other people? I said what I said and in the manner I did not to tear them down. I was not trying to evoke a sense of guilt or shame on them. They simply are not used to someone actually standing up and disagreeing with what they're saying. You're intended future spouse walks over you without you realizing it. You let them force their opinions on you, and you simply allow it to happen because you say that you love them. Well SHIT! I'm not the one marrying them, I am not going to compromise what I think for their sake, and I certainly am not going to be made to feel guilty about being who I am.

The BIG 8

2007-02-26T10:36:00.000-05:00

EIGHT LASTS:
1. Last kiss: on stage with Amie Vermeer
2. last beverage: high quality H2O
3. last phone call: my brother to get a password for a new computer program
4. last text message: never, dont have a cell phone!
5. last cd played: johnny cash - live from folsom prison
6. last BUBBLE bath: i don't recall
7. last time you cried: not too sure on that one either
8. last meal: kraft dinner

SEVEN have yous
1. have you ever dated someone twice?: yes
2. have you ever been cheated on?: yes
3. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?: yes
4. have you ever fallen in love?: yes
5. have you ever lost someone?: yes
6. have you ever been depressed?: more often than i would like
7. have you ever peed your pants?: heck yes. you're not cool unless you pee your pants

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Went to school: does today count?
2. Went to work: yes
3. Colored: does paint program on the computer count?
4. Got High: altitude wise or other?
5. Got drunk: no
6. Slept: yes, and i didn't get enough

FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to:
1. Laurie
2. Nate
3. Ryan
4. Mel
5. not sure on the last one

FOUR things that you can't live without:
1. family
2. friends
3. food
4. water

THREE favorite colors.
1. pink
2. blue
3. silver

TWO things you want to do before you die
1. backpack across europe
2. go rock climbing in swtizerland

ONE thing you regret
1. not studying enough

2007-02-11T19:08:00.001-05:00

ALSDNKASJFNKASJFB:ISDBFI:SUBF:IUSBEFKD NJ"FSAFNL?ALSFN"AOUIENFAJFNSANFV"AOUSFVNASKDJFNAMSNFVSAUJDNV?

2007-01-14T17:51:00.000-05:00

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list.

Rocky Horror Picture Show( )
Grease(X)
Pirates of the Caribbean(x)
Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest(x)
Boondock Saints(x)
Fight Club(X)
Starsky and Hutch(X)
Neverending Story(x)
Blazing Saddles(X)
Airplane(X)
total - 9

The Princess Bride(X)
AnchorMan(X)
Napoleon Dynamite(X)
Labyrinth(X)
Saw(X)
Saw II( )
White Noise( )
White Oleander( )
Anger Management(X)
50 First Dates(x)
The Princess Diaries(x)
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal EngagementTotal (X)
so far: 18

Scream(X)
Scream 2(X)
Scream 3(x)
Scary Movie()
Scary Movie 2()
Scary Movie 3(x)
Scary Movie 4( )
American Pie(X)
American Pie 2(X)
American Wedding(X)
American Pie Band CampTotal (X)
so far: 26

Harry Potter 1(x)
Harry Potter 2(x)
Harry Potter 3(x)
Harry Potter 4(X)
Resident Evil 1(X)
Resident Evil 2(x)
The Wedding Singer(X)
Little Black Book( )
The Village(x)
Lilo & Stitch (X)
Total so far: 35

Finding Nemo(x)
Finding Neverland(x)
Signs(x)
The Grinch(x)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre( )
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning()
White Chicks()
Butterfly Effect(x)
13 Going on 30(x)
I, Robot(x)
Robots ( )
Total so far: 42

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story(x)
Universal Soldier(X)
Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events( )
Along Came Polly(X)
Deep Impact(X)
KingPin()
Never Been Kissed(x)
Meet The Parents(X )
Meet the Fockers(X)
Eight Crazy Nights()
Joe Dirt(x)
KING KONG( )
Total so far: 50

A Cinderella Story(x)
The Terminal( )
The Lizzie McGuire Movie()
Passport to Paris()
Dumb & Dumber( x)
Dumber & Dumberer()
Final Destination(x)
Final Destination 2(x)
Final Destination 3()
Halloween(x)
The Ring(x)
The Ring 2(x)
Surviving X-MAS()
Flubber(x)
Total so far: 58

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle()
Practical Magic()
Chicago(x)
Ghost Ship()
From Hell(x)
Hellboy(x)
Secret Window()
I Am Sam(X)
The Whole Nine Yards(x)
The Whole Ten Yards(x)
Total so far: 64

The Day After Tomorrow(x)
Child's Play()
Seed of Chucky()
Bride of Chucky()
Ten Things I Hate About You(X)
Just Married(x)
Gothika( )
Nightmare on Elm Street(x)
Sixteen Candles(x)
Remember the Titans (x)
Coach Carter()
The Grudge( )
The Grudge 2()
The Mask(x)
Son Of The Mask()
Total so far: 71

Bad Boys(x)
Bad Boys 2(x)
Joy Ride(x)
Lucky Number SLeven()
Ocean's Eleven(x)
Ocean's Twelve(x)
Bourne Identity(X)
Bourne Supremecy(x)
Lone Star()
Bedazzled(x)
Predator I(x)
Predator II()
The Fog()
Ice Age(x)
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown(x)
Curious George()
Total so far: 83

Independence Day(x)
Cujo()
A Bronx Tale( )
Darkness Falls()
Christine()
ET(x)
Children of the Corn()
My Bosses Daughter()
Maid in Manhattan(x)
War of the Worlds()
Rush Hour(x)
Rush Hour 2(x)
Total so far:88

Best Bet()
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days(x)
She's All That(x)
Calendar Girls()
Sideways()
Mars Attacks()
Event Horizon()
Ever After(X)
Wizard of Oz(x)
Forrest Gump(x)
Big Trouble in Little China(x)
The Terminator(x)
The Terminator 2(x)
The Terminator 3(x)
Total so far: 97

X-Men(x)
X-2(x)
X-3()
Spider-Man(x)
Spider-Man 2(x)
Sky High(x)
Jeepers Creepers()
Jeepers Creepers 2()
Catch Me If You Can(x)
The Little Mermaid(x)
Freaky Friday(x)
Reign of Fire(x)
The Skulls(x)
Cruel Intentions(x)
Cruel Intentions 2(x)
The Hot Chick(x)
Shrek(X)
Shrek 2(X)
Total so far: 112

Swimfan(X)
Miracle on 34th street(x)
Old School(X)
The Notebook(x)
K-Pax(x)
Krippendorf's Tribe()
A Walk to Remember(x)
Ice Castles(x)
Boogeyman()
The 40-year-old-virgin()
Total so far: 119

Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring(x)
Lord of the Rings The Two Towers(x)
Lord of the Rings Return Of the King(x)
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark(x)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom(x)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade(X)
Total so far: 123

Love & Basketball(x)
Hostel(x)
Waiting for Guffman()
House of 1000 Corpses()
Devils Rejects()
Elf(x)
Highlander()
Mothman Prophecies(x)
American History X()
ThreeTotal so Far: 128

The Jacket()
Kung Fu Hustle(x)
Shaolin Soccer()
Night Watch()
Monsters Inc.(x)
Titanic(X)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail(x)
Shaun Of the Dead()
Willard()
Total so far: 134

High Tension()
Club Dread()
Hulk(x)
Dawn Of the Dead()
Hook(x)
Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe(x)
28 days later(x)
Orgazmo()
Phantasm()
Waterworld(x)
Total so far: 140

Kill Bill vol 1()
Kill Bill vol 2()
Mortal Kombat(x)
Wolf Creek()
Kingdom of Heaven ()
The Hills Have Eyes()
I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman()
The Last House on the Left()
Re-Animator()
Army of Darkness(X)
Total so far: 141

Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace(x)
Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones(x)
Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith(x)
Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope(x)
Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back(x)
Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi(x)
Ewoks Caravan Of Courage()
Ewoks The Battle For Endor ()
Total so far: 147

The Matrix(x)
The Matrix Reloaded(x)
The Matrix Revolutions(x)
Animatrix(x)
Evil Dead()
Evil Dead 2()
Team America: World Police(x)
Red Dragon(x)
Silence of the Lambs(x)
Hannibal(X)
Total so far:157

TOTAL: 157

There are probably just as many movies I've seen that aren't on this list. I guess I really have no life.

2007-01-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

for some good, historical, real - life reading, check out my xanga site. The posts are entitled A Boxing day Adventure.
__________________________________________________________________

I feel like crap recently. I know exactly why I do and what I need to do about it, but there's more to it than that. It's that I don't really want to feel differently. There are c ertain things in life that I MUST give up to not feel this way, but the truth is, I don't want to. As brutally horrible as I feel right now, these things in my life are things that I want to hang on to because they are fun, they are interesting, and they are also feeding my selfish desires. It's amazing how much we are willing to give up and sacrifice for ourselves isn't it? I mean, if it were someone else telling me about these things and I didn't struggle with it, I would know exactly what to say to them, to convince them of their misguided pleasures and wants and point them in the right, heavenly direction. But it's not someone else; it's me. And as much as I want to not feel like shit, I even more so am not ready to throw this away.
___________________________________________________________________

I missed my bus today because I was being lazy. I missed the next bus because I was being stupid. I caught the third bus, but missed my class. All in all, it's an uneventful day.

2006-12-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

100 Questions:
1. Name: Andrew
2. Middle Names: Lincoln
3. Province: Ontario
4. Place of Birth: Belleville
5. Zodiac Sign: Leo
6. Male or Female: Male
7. Bus most commonly taken: right now the HSR 34
8. School: Redeemer University
9. Occupation: Student
10. Initials: ALM
11. Screen Name: which one?
-Your Appearance-
12. Hair Color: Brown
13. Hair Length: getting longer
14. Eye color: greenish blue
15. Best Feature: my charming personality of course
16. Height: 5'11”
17. Braces: never
18. Glasses: reading
19. Age: 22
20. Diploma: the most recent was Tyndale University College - BRE
-Your 'Firsts'-
22. First best friend: Chadd Campbell
23. First Award: that was a long time ago
24. First Sport You Joined: bowling
25. First thing you did today: probably opened my eyes
26. First Real vacation: going to the East coast with my family in 1990
27. First thing you said when you were a baby: i was mute
28. First Love: first actual love was amity lynn. First crush was jenna smith in kindergaten- Favorites-
29. Movie: The Little Mermaid
30. TV Show: Gilmore Girls
32. Artist: visual artists? Samuel Martin, DaVinci, Norman Rockwell
33. Place to shop: any restaurant
34. Food: Kraft dinner
35. Season: Winter – just because
36. Candy: not sure
37. Sport: Rugby
38. Restaurant: Vito's Pizzeria, Ace's Family Restaurant
39. Favorite Clothing:my little pink thong
40. Store: the cheapest restaurant
41. School Subject: physical education
42. Animal: koala bear
43. Book: not sure
44. Magazine: don't know-Currently-
45. Doing before you started this survey: typing Psych notes
47. Single or Taken: definitely single
48. Crying about: the loss of innocence in a corrupted and sin-tainted world
49. Eating: nothing
50. Drinking: hot chocolate
53. Listening To: breakfast in hell - newsboys
54. Thinking About: nothing imparticular
55. Wanting: to be done school but not have pressures of the real world
56. Watching: the computer screen
-Future-
57. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?: working or finishing grad school
58. Kids?: oh about two dozen littlens
59. Want to be Married: one day after my life's ambitions have been fulfilled
60. Careers in Mind: teacher, professor, professional squeegy kid, something with athetics/recreation, actor, stay at home dad-Which is Better with the Opposite Sex-
63. Hair color: it doesn't matter
64. Hair length: depends how it compliments the facial features
65. Eye color: doesn't matter
66. Personality or Looks: personality
67. Cute or sexy: cute is sexy
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes definitely
69. Hugs or Kisses: depends, are we talking chocolates or the real thing?
70. Short or Tall: doesn't matter
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: spontaneity is romantic
73. Good or Bad: definitely good
74. Sensitive or Loud: possibility for both
75. Hook-up or Relationship: well i'd want her to be single when I meet her
76. Harley or Car: harley
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: depends on what the situation is
-Have you ever-
78. Kissed a stranger: yes...it was quite awkward
79. Smoked: never
80. Streaked: too many times
81. Ran Away From Home: once...i packed up my bag and sneaked away to grandmas across the road.
82. Broken a bone: many
83. Got an X-ray: many
84. Got a broken bone: currently, no
85. Broke Someones Heart: unfortunately
86. Dumped someone: once
87. Cried When Someone Died: yes
88. Cried At School: in grade school when i got a spanking from my teacher (it was my mom)
-Do You Believe In-
89. God: for sure
90. Miracles: Yes
91. Love at First sight: it is possible
92. Ghosts: no
93. Aliens: no answer
94. Soul Mates: depends
95. Heaven: Yes
96. Hell: Yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: not if it leads to sex – inside joke
99. Horoscopes: some are freakishly accurate, but there's usually at least one thing that's just off
-Answer Truthfully-
100. Is there someone you're thinking about right now?: yes.

good day

2006-12-12T20:13:00.000-05:00

what an incredible day. it's been one of those days that even though nothing exciting happened, no great revelation came from heaven, noone professed their undying love for me, yet still something inside is joyfully lifting my spirit. maybe it's because i'm done two of five exams. maybe it's because i got to hang out with a group of awesome people this afternoon. there could be a number of reasons for this joy, but instead of trying to analyze it, i'm just going to enjoy it.

2006-11-26T21:23:00.000-05:00

I should be doing homework right now. I have so much work to catch up on, so much crap that I really don't see the use for right now. Why am I filling my life with so much worry, stress, negativity and anxiety? I really do not have an answer for that. I've thought about the possibilities available to me when I finish, but there is no real resolution in my mind to do one specific thing for the rest of my life. I've thought about teaching, and so far that just seems to make the most sense...only I don't really like school and don't have the grades to get into teacher's college. I don't know. I'm just very confused and don't know what the next step is; I just know I have to take it.

a little goes a long way

2006-11-15T17:48:00.000-05:00

Little encouragement do great and amazing things for people. Did you know that statistically over 1000 suicides are prevented each day because someone took the time to smile at someone else? I thought that was pretty sweet! Something as simple as a smile - the raising of the corners of your mouth - is enough to convince someone that their life is precious and worth living. if that's what a smile can do for someone, how much more can the love of Christ do for that person's life?!?! how many times do we have opportunity to share the gospel message with people, but instead just laugh at a crude joke or don't do anything at all? let's stand up for something good, something that truly is worth while.

I wrote a little while ago about curse words. Just a quick note on that; saying "curse" words may not be inherently bad, but it's the witness they give about us to thse that hear them that we need to be conscious of. think to yourself, "is what I'm doing or saying right now going to glorify God?"

Simple Man - Whitecross

2006-11-13T17:04:00.000-05:00

Another day, another dollar in my hand.
Working hard to make it, I give it all I can.
I got a lot of dreams, and a long way to go,
But I know that God provides, if I pray and let him know

'Cause I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
I know that He'll provide my needs.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.

There's a house on the corner, with a light I can see,
And standing in the door is the only girl for me.
The reason that she loves me, and we walk hand in hand
Is because I'm a Christian, and we both know where we stand.

I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
We know that He'll provide our needs.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.

And there's a few things that I'd like to say to you.
There still is one thing that I need.
Someday, when the end of my road has come,
I hope to see my Lord say "Thanks for a job well done."

Now if you see my life as happy as can be,
The mystery is not so hard. It's a gift, and it's free.
This gift is in a book my Lord wrote for me.
You can have it too, and then you will see

Why I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His gift is everything I need.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.
His love is everything to me.

Don't Worry 'Bout It

2006-11-10T15:34:00.000-05:00

The following are excerpts from SheDaisy's song "Don't worry 'Bout It". Just a catchy tune with a simple, yet mysteriously profound undertone.

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

curse words

2006-11-05T21:24:00.000-05:00

Why are some words acceptable or permitted for a Christian to say and some aren't? For example, the word ass has always been frowned upon as being derogatory - resulting in a spanking when I was a child. That is one of many so called profanities which many Christians are told growing up are curses and should not be said. There are other words, which I have always felt guilty about saying, yet have more recently slipped out on a regular basis for various reasons. So why this guilt? Why this teaching that these words are bad? Not until I was in Bible college did I hear the argument that these words are not swear words. Swearing, this person said, was simply and only taking the Lord's name in veign. That makes sense doesn't it? Besides, these certain words actually do relieve stress when voiced out loud.
Right now I could sit and cuss worse than a sailor in a storm, but why? what would cause me to want to say these words besides the fact that I'm just a miserable, self-pitying, lonely, and angry person? I don't know. I was going to just type them out numerous times, but instead I've written what you have read thus far. And that is all I'm going to write.

2006-11-05T16:44:00.000-05:00

Desire: a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment.

Enrage: to make extremely angry; put into a rage; infuriate.

Delight: a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture.

Encompass: to enclose; envelop.

Shit pile

2006-11-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

Am I really that big of a jerk that I make people feel like shit whenever they think about a past relationship with me? In comparison to many other guys I know, I would say that I've dated very few girls. 3 to be exact. and I've kissed 4 (when it's not for a stage production - that's another topic). But is my not being a jealous person or my abillity to just let things go dramatically damaging to other people? I mean, I feel like shit right now because from what I can gather, the only thing seperating me from a pile of fecal matter (yes - that's shit) is that I'm able to walk around - spreading my excrement everywhere I go instead of sitting in a pile with dung beatles crawling out of me. Am I letting this get to me because there is some truth to it, or is it getting to me because I'm not a complete jerk and actually am a real person who cares about others; not wanting to know that I'm constantly damaging them emotionally? I really don't understand. I really don't think I need to either. Maybe that's the difference. I don't see how someone else's perspective or thoughts need my input. They aren't my thoughts - I've already given mine - and if those thoughts are about me (whether positive or negative) they still aren't mine and I don't have a right or need to know or say anything abuot them. If they are shared voluntarily with me, fine. But I still don't see the need for me to say anything about it. ESPECIALLY when these thoughts are shared informally and via an external source such as a friend, note, etc. Why is it so hard for some to let go of things? Is it possible that I'm letting go too easily? My purpose for letting go isn't because I'm trying to say "screw you," I just honestly and innocently do not understand how my input will change, help or mend anything that has already transpired. This is just my questioning what is going on. I want to be able to think that I'm more than just a pile of shit on legs, but maybe I'm not. Maybe I am just that.

finances and blessings

2006-10-27T18:25:00.000-04:00

as you may or may not have known. i have been struggling with financial debt for some time. this may not be surprising based on the knowledge that i'm a full time undergraduate student. however, this is considerably more than just borrowing money on loans. i was out of school for over 6 months this past year, thus forcing me into the dreaded payment status with the national students loans services. i made payments over the summer months, thinking that once i sent in the confirmation of enrollment form that is available off the internet osap application, everything would be taken care of. was i ever mistaken! they refused to process my loan application for this current school year, and compiled my outstanding interest to a date in october, making what i owe them over $320 in order to be elidgable to receive osap this year. but with school payments for tution, rent, hydro, phone and food to pay for, i was left with little over $5 in my bank account. that's not a lot, even for a child. but thank you lord i go to a christian institution where the financial aid office has quite generously not only sorted out miscommunications and errors made by national student loans, but also provided means by which i will be able to remain in school this year. it's just a huge blessing that has recently come my way, and i felt it deserved a post.

2006-10-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

i just posted this entry on my xanga. i thought it would be worth putting up here too incase someone actually reads this. i dont always copy and paste the entries...just so you know.

Something to Think About

is it ever a wonder how important communication is in all aspects of life? for parents to children and vise versa the importance of clear and effective communication could be the difference between an openly rebelious and unruly child to one who is obedient and respectful. for friends and peers, communication is important to understand one's personal boundaries, what is appropriate and in what context one should address certain issues. for lovers, being able to express how one feels whether it be through words or actions is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship. there are many other examples that could be used such as sports teams, student/teacher relations, etc. the point i'm getting at that we do not communicate.
communication is by one definition: the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. interchange...it goes both ways. you have to listen, pay attention if you want to communicate effectively.
another definition says communication is: activity by one organism that changes or has the potential to change the behavior of other organisms. what you communicate has the potential to change the behaviour of someone else. whether you know it or not, you are always communicating something to someone. yes, they could be mis interpretting it and need to pay closer attention, but you too need to be careful of what you are communicating to others.
so why talk about communication? there are numerous reasons, one being recent developments that have come from a lack of communication. the other being paul in galatians 2:2.
the amplified bible says that paul had a private meeting with the important officials and people of "repute" in the city before sharing the gospel message with the large crowds of gentiles. he did this because he wanted to clearly communicate to them the importance of Jesus as Messiah and the gospel message in a setting where there would be the least possible chance of miscommunicating something.
Communication is vital for us, not merely as people who live in this world, but as Christians who are called to share teh gospel with those around us, being a light to the nations and demonstrating the love of Christ. are we communicating these things in the way we live and what we say? something to think about...i know i have to.

2006-10-04T15:22:00.000-04:00

"There are times in life when all else seemingly falls apart, but His love is strong, forever true and from you will never depart." - A Martin

I first said this in the computer lab at Tyndale, not really thinking about what i was saying; just trying to be poetic. I believe I was was engaged in conversation with Sarah Bulloch at the time. After I said it I thought it sounded quite good, so I wrote it down as my signature on my hotmail e-mail account. Now what is the freaking point?
The night I first made this statement, I had just spent an unreasonable amount of time in chat rooms, being completely ridiculous and utterly stupid. Not only was I waisting time procrastinating from assignments that needed to be completed, I was engaging in conversation that was completely dishonouring to God - even sinful. Probably interupted by a fellow student rather than my own conscience, I then proceeded to waist an even longer amount of time playing games online. That is when Sarah came in and started talking to me. Honestly, if it weren't for her that night, I don't know if I would be here today.
I had thought previously to this night and during that I would drop out of Tyndale and complete a trade through Sir Sanford Flemming in Peterborough (what I wanted to do in highschool). I was frustrated with myself, embarrassed of my faith - or lack thereof - and felt I would be better off leaving everything behind and starting a new life where noone knew me or had expectations for me to be a good Christian. I can't even remember what Sarah and I talked about, but I do know it was substantially challenging. And the end result was the above quotation, and remaining at Tyndale.
Since that night I have reconsidered what I had been thinking before, only to once again be reminded that no matter what I do, how much I fail and turn my back on God, and when I've come to the end of myself and my limits as Andrew Martin I can think of this, "...when all else seemingly falls apart...His love is strong, forever true, and from [me] will never depart."

Lyrics to ponder

2006-10-01T21:15:00.000-04:00

I love this song, and have asked myself these questions over and over and over. the bold parts really stick out at me.

What if I stumble - DC Talk

Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains.
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives Compromise is calling
What if I stumble; what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall? You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall? Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble?
Everyone's got to crawl when you know thatYou're up against a wall. It's about to fall
Everyone's got to crawl when you know that I hear You whispering my name
[You say]"My love for You will never change" [never change]
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall? You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall? You are my comfort, and my God

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?

New Places

2006-09-26T14:28:00.000-04:00

so i've been at redeemer now for almost a month. i've been in hamilton for almost 4 months. and i've been out of toronto for almost 5 months. can i just say that as much as i miss people and having something familiar about me, i'm definitely glad to be out of toronto. i can honestly say without hesitation that i hate that city. oh sweet freedom. as good a place as i'm in now, though, i can still feel the city all around me. maybe someday i'll actually be able to live in the country again. until that day, i'm sure GOD will help me survive. Anyhow.........ya. i'm still trying to work through the xanga vs blogspot thing, but hoenstly xanga has given me no hassel or reason to switch completely over. check it out - xanga.com/andzine

What to do?

2006-08-22T20:36:00.000-04:00

Why is it that every time I think I can go ahead and like someone I throw myself for a loop with the whole emotional thing? In other words, every time I start to like someone I try to hold off and get to know them as friends first, but I inevitably wait too long and one of two things happens: a) I miss the chance to ask them out and we're stuck in the "friends" mode for ever or b) as I wait I happen upon someone else who sparks interest and am lost as to which girl I should persue, if either.
This is a predicament that is not easily solved. On one hand, I've known one girl longer than the other. We have talked a fair amount within the last few months and I have even asked her to attend a wedding with me as my date. She is funny, interesting, and good looking to boot. On the other hand, this other girl knows more of my friends already, is cute, funny,and it's easy to be comfortable around her and talking to her.
So what should be done about it? What should I do as a responsible male not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings or be hurt in return? I have no idea. I haven't told either of them that I'm interested, but both of them might know just from conversation. I really cannot tell whether or not I'm being obvious in my conversation as to how I feel towards someone I like.
Anyhow, I'm frustrated because in some alternate reality I wouldn't have to make such hard decisions or face such difficult problems.

2006-08-21T18:12:00.000-04:00

so i've determined that although blogspot is easier to use than i originally thought, i still think xanga has a more supreme blogging set up. this opinion is soley based on the biased opinion of myself and the convenience of being able to receive an e-mail with all my friends' updates. the constant having to check and remember to check blogspot for an update can be easily forgotten in the hectic life of someone like me. i'll still keep blogspot around, but i'm not giving up my xanga.

Xanga vs. Blogspot

2006-07-25T16:29:00.000-04:00

After having been on xanga for almost a year and not paying any attention to this site to speak of, I have come to the conclusion that although xanga is user friendly, it is a cult. Apparently in some original language of some sort "xanga" means "cult", so there you have it. I'm part of a cult. But blogspot isn't as bad as I once thought it to be. One big bonus is that you don't have to be a blogger to leave a message. There will be more on which is the more efficient - later. Anyhow, it's supper time. I'll get back on the controversy another time.

The Missing Link

2006-05-04T07:58:00.000-04:00

I finally figured out how to make a link to my xanga on this page. Or rater, nathan figured it out and did everything for me since it is extremely complicated involving coding and whatnot that is harder to understand than the inner mind-workings of the opposite sex. Anyhow, it's there now.

First Blog

2006-04-02T14:22:00.000-04:00

I'm signing up for this because I wanted to be able to leave posts on my friend's pages. I already have a Xanga.