Shit pile

Am I really that big of a jerk that I make people feel like shit whenever they think about a past relationship with me? In comparison to many other guys I know, I would say that I've dated very few girls. 3 to be exact. and I've kissed 4 (when it's not for a stage production - that's another topic). But is my not being a jealous person or my abillity to just let things go dramatically damaging to other people? I mean, I feel like shit right now because from what I can gather, the only thing seperating me from a pile of fecal matter (yes - that's shit) is that I'm able to walk around - spreading my excrement everywhere I go instead of sitting in a pile with dung beatles crawling out of me. Am I letting this get to me because there is some truth to it, or is it getting to me because I'm not a complete jerk and actually am a real person who cares about others; not wanting to know that I'm constantly damaging them emotionally? I really don't understand. I really don't think I need to either. Maybe that's the difference. I don't see how someone else's perspective or thoughts need my input. They aren't my thoughts - I've already given mine - and if those thoughts are about me (whether positive or negative) they still aren't mine and I don't have a right or need to know or say anything abuot them. If they are shared voluntarily with me, fine. But I still don't see the need for me to say anything about it. ESPECIALLY when these thoughts are shared informally and via an external source such as a friend, note, etc. Why is it so hard for some to let go of things? Is it possible that I'm letting go too easily? My purpose for letting go isn't because I'm trying to say "screw you," I just honestly and innocently do not understand how my input will change, help or mend anything that has already transpired. This is just my questioning what is going on. I want to be able to think that I'm more than just a pile of shit on legs, but maybe I'm not. Maybe I am just that.