a little mellow-dramatic

So I know not too many people read this, but right now I thought I would take advantage of the isolated knowledge of this blog.

At this point in my life I am what most people call a young adult. I am 22. Legal in every country to drink, smoke, gamble, etc. I am finding that with this relatively new stage in life comes new responsibilities and expectations. I'm not talking about voting or working. This entry is solely about the aspect of relationships.

Being in young adulthood, I've come to realize that in terms of relationships, it is commonly expected of a male, such as myself, to pursue the female, woo her, establish the grounds for the relationship, and be completely dependable for her to "lean on." There is no longer room for the guy to be completely care-free, immature, etc. I am to be completely aware of expectations from others, take them into consideration and be able to, at any given moment, defend my reasons for being in a relationship and my thoughts on the seriousness and longevity of that relationship. Girl's no longer want to just "have" a boyfriend; they want stability, security as well as the fun and surprises.

So where does that leave me? Am I forced to mature beyond my time, or am I forced to catch up to where I should be? Part of me feels ready to once again be able to pursue a relationship. Yet there is just as big a part of me that wants to be free, be immature and care-free without the need to worry what someone else will think or how they will react. Yes, I've had many "crushes" and met girls I think I like, and yet none of them have so far brought me to a place of actually thinking that I can or sometimes even want to go through the necessary changes in life it takes at this point to be in a meaningful relationship.

I could probably ramble on for a long time. The reason I am writing this is because I currently like someone, and am having to face not only these questions and situations, but also many more regarding her, her stage in life, her perception of me, etc. I just really don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was able to skip through my life and get to the part where things don't seem to hard. You know, just after the lifeline has gone flat. That way I wouldn't have to deal the the utter agony of relationships.