I should be doing homework right now. I have so much work to catch up on, so much crap that I really don't see the use for right now. Why am I filling my life with so much worry, stress, negativity and anxiety? I really do not have an answer for that. I've thought about the possibilities available to me when I finish, but there is no real resolution in my mind to do one specific thing for the rest of my life. I've thought about teaching, and so far that just seems to make the most sense...only I don't really like school and don't have the grades to get into teacher's college. I don't know. I'm just very confused and don't know what the next step is; I just know I have to take it.

a little goes a long way

Little encouragement do great and amazing things for people. Did you know that statistically over 1000 suicides are prevented each day because someone took the time to smile at someone else? I thought that was pretty sweet! Something as simple as a smile - the raising of the corners of your mouth - is enough to convince someone that their life is precious and worth living. if that's what a smile can do for someone, how much more can the love of Christ do for that person's life?!?! how many times do we have opportunity to share the gospel message with people, but instead just laugh at a crude joke or don't do anything at all? let's stand up for something good, something that truly is worth while.

I wrote a little while ago about curse words. Just a quick note on that; saying "curse" words may not be inherently bad, but it's the witness they give about us to thse that hear them that we need to be conscious of. think to yourself, "is what I'm doing or saying right now going to glorify God?"

Simple Man - Whitecross

Another day, another dollar in my hand.
Working hard to make it, I give it all I can.
I got a lot of dreams, and a long way to go,
But I know that God provides, if I pray and let him know

'Cause I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
I know that He'll provide my needs.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.

There's a house on the corner, with a light I can see,
And standing in the door is the only girl for me.
The reason that she loves me, and we walk hand in hand
Is because I'm a Christian, and we both know where we stand.

I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
We know that He'll provide our needs.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.

And there's a few things that I'd like to say to you.
There still is one thing that I need.
Someday, when the end of my road has come,
I hope to see my Lord say "Thanks for a job well done."

Now if you see my life as happy as can be,
The mystery is not so hard. It's a gift, and it's free.
This gift is in a book my Lord wrote for me.
You can have it too, and then you will see

Why I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His gift is everything I need.
Yes I'm a simple man, and I love the Lord.
His love is everything to me.
His love is everything to me.

Don't Worry 'Bout It

The following are excerpts from SheDaisy's song "Don't worry 'Bout It". Just a catchy tune with a simple, yet mysteriously profound undertone.

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

curse words

Why are some words acceptable or permitted for a Christian to say and some aren't? For example, the word ass has always been frowned upon as being derogatory - resulting in a spanking when I was a child. That is one of many so called profanities which many Christians are told growing up are curses and should not be said. There are other words, which I have always felt guilty about saying, yet have more recently slipped out on a regular basis for various reasons. So why this guilt? Why this teaching that these words are bad? Not until I was in Bible college did I hear the argument that these words are not swear words. Swearing, this person said, was simply and only taking the Lord's name in veign. That makes sense doesn't it? Besides, these certain words actually do relieve stress when voiced out loud.
Right now I could sit and cuss worse than a sailor in a storm, but why? what would cause me to want to say these words besides the fact that I'm just a miserable, self-pitying, lonely, and angry person? I don't know. I was going to just type them out numerous times, but instead I've written what you have read thus far. And that is all I'm going to write.

Desire: a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment.

Enrage: to make extremely angry; put into a rage; infuriate.

Delight: a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture.

Encompass: to enclose; envelop.

Shit pile

Am I really that big of a jerk that I make people feel like shit whenever they think about a past relationship with me? In comparison to many other guys I know, I would say that I've dated very few girls. 3 to be exact. and I've kissed 4 (when it's not for a stage production - that's another topic). But is my not being a jealous person or my abillity to just let things go dramatically damaging to other people? I mean, I feel like shit right now because from what I can gather, the only thing seperating me from a pile of fecal matter (yes - that's shit) is that I'm able to walk around - spreading my excrement everywhere I go instead of sitting in a pile with dung beatles crawling out of me. Am I letting this get to me because there is some truth to it, or is it getting to me because I'm not a complete jerk and actually am a real person who cares about others; not wanting to know that I'm constantly damaging them emotionally? I really don't understand. I really don't think I need to either. Maybe that's the difference. I don't see how someone else's perspective or thoughts need my input. They aren't my thoughts - I've already given mine - and if those thoughts are about me (whether positive or negative) they still aren't mine and I don't have a right or need to know or say anything abuot them. If they are shared voluntarily with me, fine. But I still don't see the need for me to say anything about it. ESPECIALLY when these thoughts are shared informally and via an external source such as a friend, note, etc. Why is it so hard for some to let go of things? Is it possible that I'm letting go too easily? My purpose for letting go isn't because I'm trying to say "screw you," I just honestly and innocently do not understand how my input will change, help or mend anything that has already transpired. This is just my questioning what is going on. I want to be able to think that I'm more than just a pile of shit on legs, but maybe I'm not. Maybe I am just that.